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Don’t Touch My Shit! (roommate thread)
  • I’m about to be a roommate for the first time in 3.5 years. I am excited and happy for a lot of reasons but I am afraid I have lost some social graces when it comes to co-habitating. Tips?

  • No, I wouldn’t bother tipping unless their service as a roommate is really just above and beyond

  • Get the sex out of the way FIRST THING

  • Get a big, sharp scary fuckoff knife. Clean your nails with it constantly when your roommate is around. This will show your roommate that you are fastidiously well-groomed and approachable. If they seem shy at first, keep at it! Maybe give them a sly little smile and a wink every now and then.

  • Great thread so far.

  • how many of their things should I pee on to let them know if I can pay rent that month or not? pee on 5 or more things = yes right?

  • I’d say all the things

  • Pee in a little circle around everything they’re not allowed to touch. To get into the back of the fridge, use one of those ladypenis pee attachments.

  • ferguson said: Pee in a little circle around everything they’re not allowed to touch. To get into the back of the fridge, use one of those ladypenis pee attachments.

    or fill a supersoaker with your urine

  • So THIS is why all my flatmates have been completely batshit insane. Y’all gave them advice.

  • PEE-STYLE! I’ve been wanting one of those for ages and now I finally have a good reason.

  • Don’t talk to your roommates unless it’s to talk about your cat.

    Eat their food. Don’t tell them until you buy the same kind of food. Then tell them and tell them they can also eat the food you just bought.

    Give them tickets to shows you paid for but can’t make it to.

  • Josie I’m kind of totally doing the first thing on your list, but only for the past couple days HA.

    I am totally loving being a roommate! I am cleaning and organizing and buying treats for everyone! It helps that none of our schedules synch up much. I think each of us get a fair amount of house to ourself time. IT RULES. I cannot wait to start working in the garden!

  • It also reaaaally helps that I have my own bathroom. Omg. So nice to take long luxurious baths and not worry about if anyone has to pee.

  • Sounds nice, cocks! Wait, so when you say roommate this doesn’t mean you’re actually sharing a room with them? You guys use weird language.

  • oh yeah, house mates. I live in a 3 bedroom house with 2 other ladies and 2 cats. It IS weird that we say roommate and it is weirder that I have always taken it for granted.

  • and you PARK in a DRIVEWAY and DRIVE on a PARKWAY

  • or something

    i don’t know

  • Yeah but when I think ‘roommate’ I think like the one Buffy shares a room with who listens to Cher on repeat and irons her jeans

  • Hahahaha i love that ep. that’s dagny from this Pilates VHS my friend and I found at a thrift store! she was the one who showed you the moves to do if you had neck problems or werent in shape. we love her!

  • That demon is the reason I only clip my toenails into the toilet or bathroom sink.

  • I totally can’t remember that episode…I haven’t watched any Buffy for almost 13 years! I guess i could find some and watch them. But yes, roommate makes me think of sharing a room on campus at uni (which hardly happens here - at all the ressies here you get your own room, with shared bathrooms for the hallways. The new ones have ensuite bathrooms though, which is weird. The rooms are tiny, there’s no way you could share them.

  • My motherfucking roommate got so fucking trashed that he locked the deadbolt, for which we don’t have a key, and then passed out so hard that he didn’t hear his phone or my banging on the door. I had to actually go all cat burglar and break into my own goddamn apartment,

    AND THEN to top it off motherfucker was so absolutely fucking shellacked that he wouldn’t wake up long enough for me to cuss him out.

  • Ugh, that sounds super-annoying.

    I have no roommate stories in the traditional sense, but a funny thing just happened between me and my office roommate. I heard her ask whether I wanted to smell something, which prompted me to slowly and slightly incredulously repeat “do I want to smell something? uh, yeah, okay, I guess”, and I got up to go to her desk. She handed me a box of grapes, and I lowered my head to smell them. They smelt of grapes, not even particularly intensely so. Pretty bland and uninteresting, really. Just as I was wondering how I could gracefully retreat from this somewhat awkward position, she exclaimed, “I said, ‘do you want some grapes’, not ‘do you want to smell something’.” (Grapes are called druiven in Dutch, smelling is ruiken - both are somewhat dominated by the “ui” sound.) Then we spent 10 minutes laughing about how I was smelling her grapes.

  • yay, Dutch!

    I got nothing, except the terrible Days of our Liveslike story of my first share house.

  • I’ve probably told you guys all my flatting stories, since I lived them while on LPTJ, but anyway. My first proper flat kept getting invaded by friends of flatmates, and friends of friends of friends, and once by friends of friends of friends of flatmates. And the flatmate in that instance was a 53-yr-old alcoholic. Interesting the time that one of these people, a dude who mostly slept in the bush, came into my room at 4am vaguely waving a knife about. Or the time that the police came to talk—not for any of the alcoholics in this instance, but for the dude who had just got home from cycling naked through town on a Wednesday afternoon. That flat was intense.

  • this maybe could go into the anxiety and/or being shortsighted thread but i am feelin pretty alienated and detached from some of my friends lately, especially my best friend and roommate. I don’t know what’s going on, like if I did anything wrong or what. There’s just this tension. I don’t even know how to talk about it. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe I’m resentful because she and this dude who’s been staying here for a couple months -so instead of 2 other roommates there are 3 others- one of which doesn’t have his own room- they haven’t had jobs til like this week and it has created this ultimate hangzone atmosphere which I like, but I’m not really a part of it since I’m at work a lot of the time. So I feel left out. I even feel left out of the gardening and chores shit. It’s weird. I was just hanging out outside and she came home from work and started gardening a little and I tried to help and there was just this wall between us. She doesn’t talk to me in a friendly way anymore. But maybe I don’t talk to her in a friendly way and I can’t tell?

    The job thing might actually be the thing. Even though they both have jobs now they are part time jobs so they are still always around and have time to do constructive shit and I’m resentful of that. I don’t know when this dude is going to move out, but we all kinda don’t want him to because he’s great. But I kind of am starting to be tired of him being here just because it’s another person in the house and I guess I’m sort of jealous of the relationship he has with my best friend/roommate. So I’m jealous of their time flexibility, jealous of their friendship, and kind of feel like the house, which was originally my find and a very quiet calming place, is becoming more theirs and I’m being pushed out of the community of it.

  • bah also my friend from high school who moved back about a year ago is part of this and hasn’t been answering texts or returning calls from me but then she’ll come over to my house to hang out with my roommate, who I introduced her to. I feel like I’m some kind of lame stepping stone.

  • That sounds pretty hard, gurl. How many hours are you working a week? Do you think it’d be possible/helpful to talk to them a bit about how you’re feeling? It doesn’t have to be in a blamey way or anything, just a bit “Hey, I’m kind of feeling insecure lately because x, y and z”. I mean from what you’re saying it doesn’t sound like they’re particularly trying to push you out, which at least removes that problem. But it sucks when that happens no matter what. I felt pretty meh at times last year because my boyfriend was studying and meeting lots of people and having a cool time and I was like, sick and working fulltime and hence depressed.

    I dunno, maybe you could arrange to do something fun with your flatmates—go on an outing or something? And you could bring your boy if it felt like it’d be awkward. I think friendships sometimes need the ‘spicing up’ thing too, especially if you live together.

  • Yeah that’s a good idea. I can be super whiny about it but in the end I think I need to put in more effort. We’ve been friends for about 7 years now through all kinds of situations so spicing up probably does need to happen.

  • I think some of this kind of behavior is kind of normal for a couple sharing a room though. Personally, times when I’ve already shared a room with someone else 100% of the time I’ve had a lot less energy to then keep being outgoing outside the room as well. That’s an introvert thing I guess. But you should def let them know how you feel excluded/pushed out.

    That’s shitty with the friend from high school only hanging with them wtf is that.

  • I lived in this punk house for a while and I was the only one with a job for almost the entire time I lived there, and my god it was fucking miserable. I guess one guy did work like one or two shifts a week at McDonald’s, but I was working full time, and I started at 8 AM and everyone else would be up smoking and drinking until like four in the morning.

  • That sounds terrible! I lived in a punk house too! in sw florida for a lil bit but most everyone there worked full time and had labor-y jobs which meant they got up really early (screen printing, glazier, screened in pool installer) and me and another dude were students with jobs on the side so most if not all of the shows and partying happened on the weekends.

    My roommates now are all really respectful and quiet even if they stay up til 4 some nights. I’ve been pretty lucky in that area.

    Pants, that may be the case. Both of them sharing the room are pretty introverted generally and kind of have their own world together which is different from how I interact with people these days. I’m just gonna chill about it and try not to worry about that stuff. Worrying about it will only make it harder to connect or reconnect or whatever.

  • Chilling about it was cool- we did a puzzle and worked on the garden this weekend :D I also straight up told her I missed hanging out and she concurred

  • Yay! I’m glad that resolved. Good call on the chilling (note to self: chill!)

  • Omg I am not a fan of having roommates who only work 2 days a week

    //rant

  • This is not really about roommates… I’m moving to an apartment with NO ROOMMATES!! The walls are painted black so I gotta paint them before I move in, do you think I can paint the kitchen? Part of me is like … it is better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission, otherwise I’d ask the landlord. I mean, he lets people paint the walls black sure.

  • Now that I’m in LA I don’t have a roommate! YAAAAAAY

  • Yeah no roommates!!! This can be a newly-no-roommates thread too right?

    I hired movers to help me move… when they came to the curb I wanted to tell them I didn’t need / want their help cause I had a bad feeling, but … I wanted to move TODAY (my roommate is charging me $20/night to stay longer) and didn’t have any other good alternatives. I was kinda aware of moving fraud, but not really aware of how prevalent it is / how to protect myself from it. All the places I called sounded pretty much the same (except for one who was out of town until Monday). They ended up charging me a lot more than they quoted by holding my stuff hostage.

    I asked them if it made them feel like garbage and sympathized with them when they told me they only got paid $15 / hr … I don’t know if that’s true, but I didn’t want them to fuck with my stuff, and I feel like they could have charged me more than they did — there could have been a stair fee, and there was no stair fee. They kept saying “don’t tell my boss how many stairs there are”.

    It was a shitty experience, but my stuff is all here and safe so I’m trying to put it behind me. I feel like an idiot and I like should have knoooown better. I should do some hearty real life venting about this but I am deeply fucking embarrassed.

  • shit, if it’s any consolation I didn’t know movers pulled that shit either. but hooray for no-roommates!

  • I hear ya, Josie. I got fucked over pretty bad the last time I moved. To the point I don’t think I’ll ever use movers again. If I can’t carry it myself, it gets sold or tossed. I too felt deeply naive and embarrassed about the whole thing. Like I just completely failed at being an adult. Fuck movers forever.